Republicans divided on how best to brutally murder Occupy Wall Street protesters

Posted on October 11, 2011

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"With all due respect to Mr. Romney, I believe that cutting off their feet and then strangling them with a clothesline will not be as nearly as effective as setting fire to their bodies and stabbing them with steak knives," Michele Bachmann said Tuesday night, in a sharp exchange with the former Massachusetts governor.

Sharply contrasting views of leadership were on display Tuesday night as the candidates seeking the Republican presidential nomination exchanged barbs over the most effective way to take on the growing Occupy Wall Street movement. “There is nothing more un-American than an American demanding an end to corporate control over the government, and there’s nothing more American than decapitating said American in public as punishment,” Herman Cain, the former chief executive of the Godfather’s Pizza chain, declared to a cheering audience. The statement drew a fierce response from former Texas governor Rick Perry. “I’m not sure why Mr. Cain thinks that this government should spend millions of dollars chopping off the heads of thousands of protesters in the middle of New York City when it is much more cost efficient to just run them all over with a fleet of Dodge pick up trucks and then dump the bodies in the East River. What the American people need now is a leader who can keep government spending down so that this economy can grow, while supporting the great American car industry.”

All candidates enthusiastically embraced the idea of using American-made cars in some capacity during at least part of the massacre, although the details “would need to be worked out on the ground,” explained former house speaker Newt Gingrich adding, “I think the people of this country are utterly shocked by the White House’s failure to use lethal force in this instance.”  Rep. Bachmann agreed. “It’s just another example of how out of touch this president is with the American people.”

Posted in: United States