Pakistan-Afghanistan talks were said to have ended bitterly, as Pakistan refused Afghanistan's "ridiculous" request to turn over senior Taliban leaders. "I suppose you'd like us to stop supporting..." February 19, 2012

Chinese Vice-President Xi tells Americans “Only some of you will become our slaves. The rest of you will be our sex slaves”

February 14, 2012


In his visit to the United States, the future President of China promised Americans that once China takes over the world, only some Americans will be forced to work in factories. "Forced labor will only comprise a small portion of our strategy," Xi explained. "Many of you will become our sex slaves, some will work in our vast bureaucracy, and the rest will shipped to our organ farms."

In his visit to the United States, the Vice President of China promised Americans that once China takes over the world, only some Americans will be forced to work in its expansive industrial zones. “Forced labor will only comprise a small portion of our strategy,” Xi explained, speaking about the future of U.S.-China relations. “Many […]

Posted in: Asia & Pacific

Obama 2013 budget allocates $7/month for Netflix, $60/month for gym

February 13, 2012


In his $3.8 trillion budget year budget unveiled this week, President Obama proposes taxing dividends as ordinary income,  a 10.6 percent increase in Veteran services, and

The White House encouraged all Americans to opt for Netflix streaming, "or at least just one DVD at a time," to cut their Saturday night bar tabs to something in the range of $40-50 instead of $60.

Posted in: United States

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY: Photos, 6-11 February 2012

February 11, 2012


Pakistan's Supreme Court rejected an appeal from Prime Minister Yousaf Riza Gilani and announcing it will being contempt of court proceddings.

Political turmoil erupted in Maldives this past week, as the country's president resigned in what he said was a coup d'etat, and the country's roughly 350,000 citizens suddenly realized that they were trapped in the middle of the ocean with absolutely nowhere to go.

With negotiations under way, United States congratulates Taliban on impressive campaign

February 7, 2012


Explaining that negotiations have been under way with the Taliban, White House officials on Tuesday congratulated the Taliban on its "hard fought win," and its "impressive strategic defeat" of the West. "We all knew the Taliban was good at brutally supressing women, massacring its citizens, and harboring terrorists linked to the killing of some 3,000 U.S. citizens on September 11, but we had no idea they would be so good at fighting us as well as they fought the Soviets," a senior aide to the president explained. "We look forward to working together with the Taliban to ensure that we no longer have to fight them and they can just go on about their way, doing whatever it is they like doing--like flogging teenage girls for instance. Let this be a lesson to all other would-be, backwards religious fundamentalists: if you fight long and hard enough, we'll negotiate."

This past weekend, the New York Times provided details on ongoing contact between Taliban leader Mullah Muhammad Omar and the United States. You remember the Taliban, right? Financed by Osama bin Laden. They harbored al-Qaeda leading up to the Sept 11 attacks. Remember the whole attack on our country thing? And Omar. You know this […]

“I just need one more term to ruin everything,” president of Senegal vows

February 1, 2012


Felix Houphouet-Boigny Peace Prize

Just because a president goes out of his way to build something as wonderfully unnecessary as a $25 million bronze Monument of Resistance with the help of North Korean contractors–and then goes on to claim that he deserves 35% of all tourism revenues it generates because, after all, he was the mastermind behind the concept […]

Posted in: Africa